YAGBTS- "ask you a flavor"

I coordinate a school-based program for a rural, public school district. People wonder what's wrong with the world and why so much violence in schools and why so many schools fail...it's because these are these kind of dumbass people who are raising kids these days... (this is all TRUE)

Top 5 student names
5 Adozzhiante (uh-dozz-ee-an-tay)
4 Remedee (remedy)
3 Tyineriah (tie-near-ee-uh)
2 Amarina (uh-mar-ee-ana....actually a pretty name, but not spelled that way- missing a vowel)
1 Meosphia (muh-sof-ee-uh) and it's a boy!

An actual email I got this week. Names changed to protect the stupid innocent...
hi
this is jane grandmpther; can i ask you a flavor do you no jane teaches name and email address please let me no ok
&n bsp; sign june doe

Even crazier...
There were parents waiting in the car line one day and they had 2 babies with them. "Oh hey," I said, " I know this is your grandbaby, but who's that?" "That's my niece," the mom said. "Oh, what's her name?" I asked. They looked at each other blankly. Neither one knew!...after thinking for a few minutes they remembered. Her name is Honesty.

And the BEST of all...
Due to behavior problems, and NOT a physical disability, we have 2 kids who are required to ride the special needs bus. In my program, we do not have the funding to pay for this, but the special ed dept. has so much $ they can pay for an entire bus and driver to run a special route to take just those kids home!! While this is only for a few days, the alternative is to PAY the parent to come pick up their own child because we can't accommodate them!!!

YAGBTS- White Trash

What the heck is YAGBTS? Go here.
So ya'll know we moved in our new house this summer. I gotta tell you- one of the BEST parts is that we live next to my parents. I know, it could be scary, but really, it's a good thing. Even Steve will tell you that. But one of the BEST parts about that is Daddy takes off our trash.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with such rural traditions, we have to load up our own trash and recyclables and take them to the nearest collection station. You could pay out the wa-zoo and have the big garbage truck come by, but we don't want that bill.
When I was a kid, we just had a burn barrel. Stay with me...we took all our trash, put it in a big metal drum out back and burnt it. Sounds crazy, but I was about 10 before I realized that not everyone did this. The dump (as we call the trash collection place) was where you took things that did not fit into the burn barrel and occasionally scored something to take home. No lie. I remember getting a table from the dump that I used for years and years. I finally took it to Goodwill this summer when we moved.
Now, the dump is closely monitored and you have to play by the rules. No scavenging and no putting any and everything into the trash compactor. They have little stations for everything from magazines to colored glass.
So as I was saying, Daddy comes and gets our trash about once a week which is great, in my opinion, because Steve absolutely sucks at taking off the trash. If left up to him, once a month is perfectly acceptable. But then he has the nerve to be offended that Daddy takes over this job for him. He should be glad b/c that's one less thing for me to gripe about and one less thing for him to do. If he wants to get offended, he needs to hang out in the garage when the trash has NOT been taken out for a month.

YAGBTS - Ben the Builder

Contrary to popular belief, building our house was not horrible and we did not once contemplate divorce because of it (the moving in part is another story). Overall, it went pretty well. We got along with our builder great! Sure, there was a misunderstanding or two, but no biggie. Just how well do we like our builder? Here he is with his #2 in charge, cozied up on the back porch with Savannah. With a beer in his hand. On a Wednesday afternoon.
Yep, that's how a good ole' boy rolls.

Hole-y Moley!

We were supposed to have the final inspection done on the house Friday, which would mean we could close on it and finally move in. Nope. This happened instead...

My cousin, the electrician, fell through the ceiling. No lie. He didn't fall all the way through, but as you can see, that is a 40-year-old man sized hole.

Ok, well, that isn't the only reason we didn't have the inspection. All the hand railings hadn't been put up either and we need those to meet code. But still...there is a HOLE in my kitchen ceiling!! Easily repaired and my cousin is ok so, we'll try again next week.

Picks of the Week

I finally sat down and had some quality time with my camera, my computer and the USB cable. What does that mean for you? An update with pictures!
OK. Here is my hairdo photo. I had another one but the background was too dark and you couldn't separate my hair from the background. Anyway, I think I found the trick today. I like the ends flipped under, not out. It was a little too "shag" looking that way. Not a bad self-portrait if I do say so myself!
We went to Charleston a couple weeks ago to visit some friends who were in town from IL. We had a great time visiting old favorites (did I tell you I lived there for college?) and the weather was not yet sweatin-my-ass-off, so it made for a nice day! This was a really cute pic of Savannah and her Daddy.

The Poultry Festival (aka Chicken Fest) was this past weekend. It was OK. We only made it to the parade and it was less than fabulous this year. IT was also pretty hot so we didn't stick around long. Here are the girls stealing a cool moment in the shade.

Then we went to the zoo this week with some friends. The weather was perfect and the kiddos enjoyed a morning out. Here's a cool pic of the flamingos. Good thing they're so gorgeous because they STANK!

And last but not least, I have a YAGBTS update for you. I saw this painted on the ol' rock the other day and HAD to take a picture. As I was taking the photo, Savannah asks what I'm doing. "Taking a picture of this redneck crap," I said without really thinking. Then from the backseat I hear, "what redneck crap? I want to see redneck crap." fabulous.

Party Animals

I never thought I would say this, but I've had enough cake and ice cream, thank you. We are birthday partied out! We went to 4 in the past week and that doesn't include my Daddy's birthday b/c technically we didn't have a party or a cake. Don't feel bad for him though. He got some presents and we went out to eat. That's how a 62 year old rolls.
The other parties were cousins (yes, one involved a coat of paint on the rock) and a friend. Savannah really enjoyed herself so it was all good. Steve went to a birthday party himself, except instead of cake, they had beer. Lots and lots of beer. Or I guess they did and that is why he was gone for over 24 hours yesterday!! What all started out as a ballgame and some tailgating with the guys ended up at the bars and him crashing at a friends house. He still wasn't home when I left for work this morning. That's alright. My turn is coming.
Overall, a great weekend. Oh- I got one more YAGBTS moment for you.... We officially put our current house on the market last week. Stuck a For Sale By Owner sign in the yard. We got a call and had our first showing on Saturday. The couple came to the door and I recognized the wife. Low and behold we are related. No shit. Second (Third?) cousins! Yep. That's country for you.

YAGBTS: Rock of Love

Go here for the full YAGBTS story.

The new house is coming along nicely. Everything has gone pretty well, just slow. We hope to be in sometime in May. Here’s a pic I took not too long ago. Nice, right? Steve and I have worked hard and SAVED a long time to be able to build the house we want. I could make your head spin by the amount of $ we’ve saved, but that’s not my point. The point is, we have this nice, new house out in the country and when people ask “Where at?” We usually start by suggesting the main highway that runs by our road, or the fact that were are X amount of miles from town. Nope? Ok…do you happen to know where that giant rock is with all the crap spray painted on it? Yes! Of course you do! Somehow, anybody within a 50 mile radius of our road knows about that darn rock. In college, I met a guy from the next county over and he knew about the rock. I guess it makes an impression on people. Here are some recent examples of its “beauty.” "Happy Turkey" I think it says

Congrats to the happy couple!

Oh, you can share your love publicly, but you're too embarrassed to say who it is?

Rebel Malians???

He forgot to buy a card, but luckily he had some spray paint...

I give them a 10 for originality

Wow! What will they do on her fiftieth?

And those were taken all within the last 4 months or so.

It all started back when I was in high school. They were adding lanes and doing major road construction there and turned up this giant rock. The way it was split, so evenly, was like it was meant to be a primitive road sign. My brother and cousin first painted the rock. For several years it donned the Rebel flag. Somebody would occasionally paint something else over it, but then it would get repainted with the Rebel flag again. A few more years and some utility work later, a smaller rock showed up on the scene. For a long time the big rock was painted as the American flag and the smaller rock was the Rebel flag. Over the past couple years, it seems, the rocks have been subject to any and every type of announcement.

Got an anniversary coming up? Paint the rock! Did your team just win the big game? Paint the rock! Turning the big 5-0? Paint the rock! Having a yard sale? Paint the rock! Celebrating the birth of your first born? Paint the rock! I am not kidding. Some of the aforementioned are (ahem) relatives who live on the road, but most of them are complete strangers. Just somebody who stopped off in the wee hours of the night to profess their love for Jessica or some other such act. It really is a billboard for rednecks.

So if you’re ever cruising along the mid-lands of South Carolina and you see the rock, you’ll know where I live. But don’t bother to paint me a message. It will probably get painted over by the next day.

YAGBTS

Not too much going on so I thought I would share a few YAGBTS moments. What's the story on YAGBTS? Go here.
I work at a public school. Most of my darlings come from low-income, families many of whom are being raised by their single mothers, aunts or grandparents, who probably did well to graduate high school. Nevertheless, I am still surprised when I get paperwork turned in with crazy nicknames. There is a space to list the child's first, middle and last names along with a place to list the "name child prefers to be called." You know, like if their name is William they go by Billy or maybe their middle name is Susie and that's what they are called. Nope. What do I get? "Sunshine", "Precious," and "Da-Da."
My family went to a community function not to long ago. There were a good many people there and my dad strikes up a conversation with the man sitting next to us. By the time we left, they had figured out that they were third cousins.
This past summer, I started going to a new hairdresser. She's at a salon on the edge of town, in a really cute old house. I was getting in the car this past time and I looked down and there was a shotgun shell on the ground. Now let's think about this...was it from someone who a. was taking aim from the salon b. aiming near the salon or c. was at the salon and it just rolled out her car door??
P.S. Several gals asked about the thrift store. If you know my neck of the woods it's on the corner of Barr Road and Pisgah Church Road
P.P.S. Firefly Vodka, Mary, is a sweet-tea flavored Vodka made in Charleston, SC and it is awesome!

Redneck Skiing

This is the post I really wanted to share for my first YAGBTS, but I had to wait on the pictures, then I got busy and I kinda forgot, anyway, here it is...

Several weeks ago, my cousin had a small, outdoor reception to celebrate his marriage (2nd marriage for both of them). There are no outdoor "facilities" and my brother noticed that the port-a-john for the workers at the new house had recently been emptied. Don't ask me how he noticed, he just did. He suggested moving it over to the evening festivities for the guests to use. So, my dad gets a rope, wraps it around the potty, hooks it up to my uncle's golf cart and they proceed to drag it - oh, maybe 50 yards through the woods and mud.
Daddy is afraid it might tip over, so he's holding on to keep it balanced. We decided it looked like redneck skiing!!! Of course Steve decided to follow along on the 4-wheeler in case they needed back-up! I'm just glad somebody had a camera! Kodak moments, I tell ya...

Like I said, Jeff Foxworthy ain't got nuttin' on me...

YAGBTS

Wondering waht YAGBTS means? Go here.

So we were at the flea market Saturday...I know what you're thinking, "What the hell were ya'll doing there?"

1. We love a good bargain: n. something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

2. We like antiques and old things (a.k.a. junk)

3. The entertaiment value is unbelievable! We saw culture (half of the market were hispanics selling produce or Spanish music), wildlife (dogs and chickens), history ("they haven't made this kind of glass since the factory shut down during the depression.") and art ("yes, ma'm I hand-painted those roses on the T-shirts"). But we had never seen what we happened upon next.

+ =

a fun ride for the kiddos! Only costs a quarter! No sh*t! They had empty plastic bottles taped to the horse with packing tape. You're supposed to put a quarter in the bottle and then enjoy the ride. I am not kidding. Kinda gives new meaning to the term "quarterhorse."

Jeff Foxworthy ain't got nuttin' on me

I live in the South. The rural South. I grew up on a dirt road. My parents did, too. One granddaddy was a mechanic and the other was a farmer. Neither of my parents or my aunts or uncles went to a traditional 4-year college. Hell, some of my uncles didn't even finish high school. Everything thing we had growing up, my parents worked for us to have it. What I'm trying to tell you is that I'm not one of those "silver spoon" Southern Belles. I don't have a pedigree a mile long and the only "debut" I ever made was in the first grade for my dance recital. You will not find expensive heirlooms, antique jewelry or my great-grandmothers wedding china in my house. Nope. Doesn't exist.
But I'm proud to be a Southerner and all that it encompasses. I choose to live here and am glad to raise my family here. But sometimes things happen to me, around me or I hear about things and I think, "Wow. That is RED. NECK."
It's kinda like one of my favorite jokes:
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? A Northern fairy tale starts out, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairy tale starts out, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..."
Some of it is just too funny to keep to myself so I'm going to share some of those moments with you under the title "YAGBTS" (see punchline above). And boy, do I have a good first "YAGBTS" for you...