gHarmony

Tired of not finding that special someone to share everything with? That someone who will always be right by your side and there when you wake up? That someone who shares your same interests and daytime TV line-up?
Try gHarmony. At geriatric Harmony, we find that perfect person for you to spend the rest of your days with, whether your're in "The Restful Pines" or the VA Hospital, becasue having a compatable roommate at the nursing home is important.
Our compatibility matching models are based on 35 years of clinical experience and rigorous scientific research (ie. pestering Marge and Tilly) into which characteristics between roommates are consistently associated with the most successful relationships.
At gHarmony, it all starts with our comprehensive Relationship Questionnaire. Once we get to know you and you pay us the big bucks we then match you with other old folks based on the 29 Dimensions of Compatibility scientifically proven to predict happier, healthier relationships. For instance, do you both enjoy the Price is Right? Do you prefer mentholated or unscented? How regular are you? Do you like the thermostat set on "roasting" or "hot as hell?"
gHarmony is the Internet’s No. 1 trusted old fart service provider. Millions of people of all ethnicities, national origins and religious and political beliefs have used gHarmony's Compatibility Matching System to find compatible long-term* roommates. gHarmony is available in the United States, Canada, Uraguay, Ecuador and Australia.
Isn't it time you found gHarmony?
* in a retirement center, 1 year is considered "long-term"

P.S. Y'all know I couldn't stay away that long! Especially when y'all are posting crap this funny! Hi-damn-larius!