Jeff Foxworthy ain't got nuttin' on me

I live in the South. The rural South. I grew up on a dirt road. My parents did, too. One granddaddy was a mechanic and the other was a farmer. Neither of my parents or my aunts or uncles went to a traditional 4-year college. Hell, some of my uncles didn't even finish high school. Everything thing we had growing up, my parents worked for us to have it. What I'm trying to tell you is that I'm not one of those "silver spoon" Southern Belles. I don't have a pedigree a mile long and the only "debut" I ever made was in the first grade for my dance recital. You will not find expensive heirlooms, antique jewelry or my great-grandmothers wedding china in my house. Nope. Doesn't exist.
But I'm proud to be a Southerner and all that it encompasses. I choose to live here and am glad to raise my family here. But sometimes things happen to me, around me or I hear about things and I think, "Wow. That is RED. NECK."
It's kinda like one of my favorite jokes:
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? A Northern fairy tale starts out, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairy tale starts out, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..."
Some of it is just too funny to keep to myself so I'm going to share some of those moments with you under the title "YAGBTS" (see punchline above). And boy, do I have a good first "YAGBTS" for you...

Costume Quiz: results

Carolina Girl:

You are a slutty Cat Woman!

Who cares what's in your checkbook when you look like THIS in pleather!?

A. DeVore:

You are a slutty Mad Hatter!

Have your damn iced tea at the tea party and if the kids get outta line you can sick the Cheshire Cat on them. He always freaked me out.
Janah:

You are a slutty bunny!

Forget the pumpkin part, girl!

Tattooed Minivan Mom:

You are a slutty Super Girl!

You can fly, all while looking smoking hot, on your way to save people!

Krys:

You are a slutty Canadian Mountie!

You can help people get away from fires and at night retire to your cozy cottage in the mountians.

Because everyone knows the best girl costumes are just an excuse to dress slutty! For most of you anyway. Me? I'm going to be this:
Just kiddin! There's no way I could pull off those GLASSES - hee hee.

P.S. Love cupcakes? Me, too. Here's a contest for a cupcake prize, although not the edible kind.

The Cat's Out of the Bag!

For those of you who knew about my little blog prank, Steve was busted this weekend. For those of you who are clueless, let me explain...
I have had this blog for about a year now, but I chose not to let my husband see it. It's my place to rant and say whatever I want and I don't have to hear any lip from him.
A while back, I had suspected that he found it, but had no proof. However, when he want on his 2 week trip to Asia, low-and-behold, one day I had a hit on Feedjit from Malaysia! What are the odds?!? I had subsequent hits from Korea and Tokyo - all places he was visiting. So I decided to play a little joke.
Thanks to Carolina Girl and some others of you out there, I decided to hit him where it hurts: his wallet. Technically the prank involved MY money, but that's not really the point.
Despite my objections, Steve had decided he was doing some of the work on the new house himself to save money. Not such a bad thing except that he doesn't have time for it. He was gone half the month of October for crying out loud!
So I wrote this post, basically saying I had blown a large chunk of $ to pay somebody else to do the tile work, and it was only half of what I would owe them when it was all said and done. Somehow Steve managed to hold his tongue for almost 2 weeks.
Jump to this past Friday night. We're out with our friends Amy and Ron, who are in on the whole thing. The conversation moves to technology and blogs. Steve says, "I think Shannon is addicted to blogs." And Ron's like, "They're very interesting to read. Come on, you've never read a blog?" I'm about to burst out laughing at this point. Amy and Ron say, "Yeah Steve, haven't you read Shannon's blog?...maybe while you were in SINGAPORE?!?!" And we all starting laughing. Steve was clueless about the Feedjit map. He was even more clueless about my prank, cuz after a few minutes he goes, "And I can't believe you paid some guy at Lowe's to do our tile!" I said, "That was me dangling the carrot to get you to bite." He still didn't get it. "It was a joke," I said. "I made it up to get to to admit you read my blog!"
So anyway, the secret's out. And I told him he still better keep his mouth shut about what I write.
You got that, Steve?!?

WTF? Costume Quiz

In case you hadn't noticed, I like putting the little quizes at the bottom of my page. Most of them are kinda fun. Wasn't that the best part about all those teen magazines when you were in high school? "What's your dating style?" "Does he really like you?" "Are you ready to go all the way?!" ha!
I took took the featured quiz, "What Should You be for Halloween," three times and each time I got a dumb-ass response: "Candy Corn," "A rabbit dressed as a pumpkin," and "a bumble-bee." Hello? Not unless you're six! So, I decided to do my own costume quiz. Leave a comment answering the questions below by Sunday night or so(I'm not picky)and I'll post next week what I think you should be, including a photo. What do you think?

1. What is your drink of choice?
a. wine
b. beer
c. cocktail
d. water
e. Coke

2. What are you afraid of?
a. the dark
b. the boogie man
c. being fired
d. nothing
e. your checkbook balance the day before payday.

3. What super power would you most like to have?
a. ability to fly
b. ability to run super fast
c. being immortal
d. looking super hot in a leotard
e. being able to help people

4. People have told you you look like
a. their favorite movie actress
b. you know how to have a good time
c. you are younger than you are
d. their mother in law
e. a mug shot from the Post Office

5. Your dream house would be
a. a cozy cottage in the mountains
b. a contemporary loft in the city
c. a sprawling farm out in the country
d. a casual beach bungalow
e. paid for

It's not science, people, it's just some crap I made up for fun! So answer the damn questions already!

You like me, you really like me!

So I was about to sign out last night (you know how it is - "just ONE more blog, I promise and then I'll go to bed... three hours later... Oh crap! It's WHAT time??!) and I go on over to Not-So-Mom-a-Licious only to find out that she has given me an award! Whoo-hoo! See the new, pretty pink award somewhere on the right...
With this award you are supposed to list 6 things that make you happy. I can do that! Here they are:
1. Giving Savannah zerberts (You watched the Cosby Show, right?) which makes her laugh uncontrollably!
2. Doing something fun with my hubby. It's a rarity anymore, but I do enjoy it. Like when we took off to Charleston for our anniversary, it wasn't anything exciting, but it was nice that we did it (as in be spontaneous, not have sex).
3. Being relaxed. In other words, not constantly thinking I need to clean up the kitchen, I need to fold those clothes, I need to pay that bill, I need to...
4. A beautiful sunny day- preferably in the summer, with low humidity (in S.C. those are also a rarity).
5. Spending time with friends. I have a lot of great friends and I am very thankful for them. Especially when we get the chance to kick up our heels!
6. That gas is now $2.55 in my area. Sad, isn't it, that gas prices made my list?!?
So now I have to tag six other bloggers. I'm starting with the 3 chics who were my inspiration for getting my own blog up and running about a year ago.
1. Carolina Girl - she's Southern, single and ready to mingle. Oh, and we used to live together (:
2. Slacker Mama - Don't have your sweet baby's first years in perfect scrapbooks? She doesn't either. Embrace the slackerdom!
3. Buffie - She's the "funkiest" stay at home mom I know! And her kids are pretty funny, too.
Now, the last 3 are for some truly creative ladies!
4. Happy Hour Sue - we all know her and love her. And BG is THE funniest pimp eva'. for realz, yo!
5. French - the drama and smut in Desperate Wives of Bloggeville is enough to make Kim Kardashian blush.
6. Scattered Mind... - I've just recently found this mom, but already she cracks me up. Besides, she has Beastie Boys on her playlist. YEAH!
So, there you have it!