Da Bomb!

Here's my current top 5 list of things that are da bomb! (for anyone who doesn't appreciate my slang, that's things I really like!)
1. The smell of Bath and Body Works True Blue Spa products. You can't really go wrong with BBW products, but this stuff smells like spring flowers after the rain!
2. These stuffed portabella mushrooms from my friend Andrea. So good! I made them for me and a friend and she's vegetarian, so I substituted carrots and cauliflower for the chicken . It's a a giant version of the appetizer you order at restaurants.
3. Cruisin' on the lake in the evening. My parents just bought a pontoon boat and we went on the "maiden voyage" last night. The weather was awesome!
4. Soon being unemployed - by choice! My school job is grant funded, the grant is over and I'm outta there in about a month!
5. Being close to finding a new pastor at church. We've been without a pastor for over a year and I'm on the committee to hire a new one. We've seen some great candidates and I'm excited!

Here's my current list of things that should have da bomb dropped on them:
1. Being close to finding a new pastor at church. We're almost there, but this process has taken so long and is so rigorous. I hope we make a decision soon!
2. Steve's iphone. He's on that thing all the damn time! Did you see the Marriage Ref last week? Same thing.
3. Savannah's restless night. I guess the soothing boat ride did nothing for her last night because she was up about 3 times in the night and got up very early this morning (keep in mind early for us is about 6:30). I'm hoping I can work in a nap for all of us today.
4. From last summer's post: hair removal. Nuf said.
5. Doing dishes. Why can't I seem to keep up? It's like the little bastards are Gremlins and they reproduce when you get them wet!

What's on your "bomb" list?

Leftovers

Remember back in February, Savannah was being stingy with a gift? It laid around her room forever. Well, guess what the little dear brings to me yesterday? Mm-hmm.
She comes up to me and says, "Mama, I have a surprise for you. It's something left over from Valentine's Day."
I guess better late than never! I just hope I don't get my Mother's Day gift in August.
Happy Mother's Day!

letter to Savannah

So I'm still trying to get along with my dearest daughter, Savannah. (see previous post "Terrible 4's?" before you offer any advice). I was blog surfing and came across this and thought I'd take the opportunity to play along...

Dear Savannah,
I know once upon a time before you were born, I wished for you independence and the ability to stand on your own. Little did I know your Independence would be from me and all your love and affection poured on your daddy (or "dada" as you've reverted to calling him lately).
I know you love him and I'm glad you have that special relationship with him, but could you be a little nicer to your dear, old mom?
It nearly broke my heart the other day. I had been out of town for 4 days, something I hardly do but your daddy does on a weekly basis. I walked into the room, hoping for a hug. Nope. All I got was a wrinkled nose and you pushing me away. Then turned and threw your arms around your daddy and said, "my dada."
I've been told for about 2 years now that this is a stage and it will pass. When? When she's 25? I really try to be patient and not take it personal, but it hurts. So could you please be nice to me more than when I drop you off at school? That's the nicest hug and kiss I get all day.
And I'd really like to be on your good side before you turn 13.
I love you,
Mama

Terrible 4's?

I'm sitting here on the couch catching up on my soap and enjoying the peace! Steve and Savannah have gone to run errands and it's calling for snow here, so they are probably out getting milk and bread, too! That's a joke. But I'm sure many other Southerners are stocking up on the basics today. Seriously, the forecast is for 1-3 inches of snow in the area. My thoughts? I'll believe it when I see it.
Moving on....The reason I started this blog to begin with was to vent without everyone I know thinking I'm nuts. (disclaimer* If you know me in real life, please don't hold this against me. You know I am sane...for the most part...) But Savannah is killing me lately! And if I mention what a booger she is all people want to say is, "you just wait another 10 years..." And to that I say, "God help me! If we get that far!"
I nag her to do everything. I try to be patient and calm but then she pushes my buttons and I want to scream! And sometimes I really try to be patient and not let he get to me, but then she kicks me for no reason at all or says things like, "I don't like you. I only like my daddy." GRRRR! Like yesterday was their Valentine's party at school. There was a little beaded heart necklace in her goody bag I suspected the kids made for their moms. So like a dumbass, I ask her, "what's this? Who is this for?" She snatched it away, looked at me and said, "It's for dada."
A typical scenario is we're going somewhere and Savannah asks, "is mama going? I don't want her to go." She is so hateful to me!!!
I've tried to talk to her when things aren't so heated and explain that I need her to help me when it's time to get ready and it's better when she listens. And on the occasions she is nice and I don't have to tell her 10 times to do something, I try to praise her. I do know she's only 4, but on the other hand, she's 4! not 2!
Can anyone sympathize?
Changing the subject, I am looking forward to the rest of the weekend. Several of us couples are going to dinner Saturday night at one of my favorite restaurants. And no kids!

Bitches and hos

Hey ya'll! It's been a while so I have several random things saved up for you...
- I've gotten on my school soapbox before. Seriously, if people were better parents, crap like this wouldn't happen. A 7th grade kid had to drop out of a program at school in order to care for his infant child. That's right. I said infant child. Why? Because the baby's mother, also a 7th grader, had to go stay at the Dept. Of Juvenile Justice.
-I am loving those new Gap commercials! The dancing is awesome and the chanting is so damn catchy! "How cute are these boots?! How cute are these boots?!"
-There has been some family drama going on for the past several months. Some things have happened recently and I've had my fill. So I called up the family member and told him I'd like to sit down and talk with him about everything and see if we couldn't clear the air. He said, "that's fine, but I don't know what good it would do." We were not able to meet tonight, and maybe we won't get to, but by his words right there, I have peace knowing that I at least tried.
-I am loving Christmas in the new house! I'll have to post some pics soon. It's extra special knowing how fortunate I am to be spending Christmas with my family in our dream house!
-I have one more day of school! Then I am off until Jan. 4!!! Can I get a Whoo-hoo!!!?!?!
-Mama has a little Christmas village set up in her kitchen. It also has a few little figures and decorations with it. One day, standing in front of it, Savannah says, "Why is there a little singing bitch and a big singing bitch?" Or at least that's what WE heard. OMG! We laughed so hard. Finally realized she was saying singing "bench"- her phrase for the little group of carolers.
- just in case you haven't heard this one yet...What's the difference between Santa and Tiger? Santa stops after 3 ho's.

You'll eat it and you'll like it!!

Call me sensitive, my hubby is a big 'ole A-hole some days! We both worked today, all though my work hours were 1:00-5:00 because after I got Savannah dressed and took her to school, I did some shopping. I went over to the mall for a specific item, only to find out they don't carry it at that store. Grrr! This may be SC, but it's not like I went to some tiny store in the middle of nowhere!
Anyway... After shopping I had a 11:15 doctor's appointment that lasted an hour. Went to school, dealt with 80some kids, picked up Savannah and came home. Steve flops on the couch with her as I cook dinner. I had a new recipe I was excited about. OK- I wasn't EXCITED about it, but I thought it sounded good. It was easy enough to prepare and took just long enough for Steve to take a nap.
Dinner's ready! We sit down to eat. I ask Steve what he thinks (mistake!). He says it's OK. Actually, half way through eating, he dumps what's left on his plate onto mine. "I don't like it," he says. Heats up some lefts overs, puts is plate on the counter and goes to finish watching TV.
UGH!!! Why do I even bother! He doesn't help, he doesn't like it and doesn't clean up!!! Do your honey's cook? Do they clean? Or can you empathize?

Hostess with the Mostess...anxiety attacks

Is it November yet? Seriously, while this time of year is filled with so many good things...it's filled with SO many good things, and work things, and social things, and travel things, and church things....AGH!!!
We are having our real house warming party this week and I'm a little overwhelmed. I don't "entertain" well. A few friends and a six-pack. OK. No problem. More than 5 friends and a planned menu? OMG! I have to do this and this and buy food and Oh, I don't have anymore trash bags and NO!! Don't eat that! It's for the party! Savannah go brush your teeth for the 10th time! What stinks? Ugh! The dog never got a bath. I think I liked the square tray better. Do we have a bottle opener? Steve? STEVE! Hey! Will you take a shower already?!? People will be here in 20 minutes and I still have to put out some ice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labor Day

What started out as a perfectly lovely day took a nose dive and now I'm here trying to find some redemption or sympathy...whichever comes first. Me and the hubs had a big fight and now I'm trying to cool off.
Why do they have to be such A-holes???

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Kermit says it's not easy being green. Maybe so, but sometimes it ain't easy being a girl. Don't get me wrong. I don't wish I were a guy or anything like that, but who hasn't envied a guy every now and then?
They avoid nasty bathrooms and porta-potties don't frighten them. They can pee standing up! Need to be somewhere in 10 minutes? No problem. Guys just take a quick shower and throw on deodorant and clothes. Want to go hang out with the guys? They just call up a buddy on the phone. Wife's got the kids and his friend is already at the bar. No problem! Not to mention other monthly "joys" women experience.
But the one that really kills me is going swimming. Guys just take off their shirt. Done. In the water doing cannonballs! Girls? Ha! It involves 2 major tragedies: swim wear and hair removal.
1. Swim wear. No woman enjoys picking out a bathing suit. They're expensive and it takes forever to find one that's flattering. We realize that most men could care less, but it's not really about what the man thinks. It's about what we think. We need to look decent enough to go out in public wearing 1/10th of the clothes we normally wear and even then, we think that shirt makes us look 6 months pregnant! Got a big hiney? You need to find a skirt. Got big boobs? Need to have underwire. Got a flabby belly? Need to get a tankini. The striped one? No, the color's all wrong. What about the halter? It's too short. Maybe the one with the belt? Too expensive. And so on and so on and so on...
2. Hair removal. Guys can go without shaving any part of their body for days and it would be totally acceptable. Girls, on the other hand, show up somewhere without having shaved their legs in 2 days and suddenly we're Euro-hippies. Puh-lease. There's also the regular shaving of the arm pits and for some people, their bikini area. This cannot be done in 2 minutes with success; therefore we can't throw caution to the wind and hop in the pool. No, for me, it requires waxing. Expensive and painful waxing. You all saw "40 Year Old Virgin," right? Ok, so maybe it isn't "Kelly Clarkson" bad, but it's not pleasant. If you're lucky, the technician knows what she's doing and it goes by quickly. I once had a 45 minute session. No shit. It was awful.
And yet, we go through this summer after summer. Kermit may not have liked being green, but he was acceptably naked and didn't have a lick of hair.

P.S. I finally added a few pics to this Paris post if you're interested.

Excuses, excuses

I can relate to Austin Powers. I need some mojo. For putting away the last of the little crap and for blogging.
As I mentioned before, most of the stuff has been put away in the new house, but other stuff lingers. Like garlic bread. Like pregnancy pounds. Like Halloween candy. Maybe I'll have a bloggie housewarming party soon to show you around the place. You're all invited. That's the least I can do seeing as how many of you have been with me since we started building. Look for your invites soon.
I feel like I've lost my blogging groove. Being busy was an excuse, but it really only gets worse now that school is starting and I go back to work. As much as I have made fun of Facebook, it achieves the same purpose: see what other people are up to and share some of your own moments, if desired, and I don't have to write a while post. Just don't take any of those damn quizzes!!
PS- I'm shopping tonight at the big children's consignment sale and I am very excited! Not only am I staff this year, but that means I get to be first to shop! Whoo-hoo!

WTF?

I found out yesterday that I am getting knocked down to part-time next year. Not surprising considering that I work for a public school system and the current state of the economy. What was surprising is that even though they offered a 36% cut in pay, and a 33% cut in hours, they expect me to do the same job duties.
Hmmm.....same workload but less pay and less time to do it in? Don't think so.

Hole-y Moley!

We were supposed to have the final inspection done on the house Friday, which would mean we could close on it and finally move in. Nope. This happened instead...

My cousin, the electrician, fell through the ceiling. No lie. He didn't fall all the way through, but as you can see, that is a 40-year-old man sized hole.

Ok, well, that isn't the only reason we didn't have the inspection. All the hand railings hadn't been put up either and we need those to meet code. But still...there is a HOLE in my kitchen ceiling!! Easily repaired and my cousin is ok so, we'll try again next week.

Probability

Your math lesson for today: probability. Some of you that know me may be saying, "Wha? I thought Steve was the math brainiac." Well, he is, but I actually did pretty good in my statistics class in college so there!


-The probability of Savannah having to poop is dependant on variables a and b, where a= me having just gotten completely undressed in the dressing room at TJ Maxx and b= our food having just arrived to the table.


-The probability of Steve being caught up on all his crappy, testosterone filled shows (24, Battlestar Gallactica, The Unit, Dollhouse) that he DVRs is increased when I secretly delete some to make room for my DVRed shows like Days of Our Lives.


-The probability of me still having a job in the school system come July is dependant on variable b, where b= political BS/stimulus money/governor's agenda/my boss getting let go from her job.


-The probability of me getting a raise is the same as the probability of Miss California attending the nuptuals of Cynthia Nixon and her "charming" fiance.


-The probability of my computer not self-destructing before I finish this post depends on whatever the heck is making this crazy beeping noise as if it were on a heart monitor. I'm not kidding.


-The probability of us moving into the new house this month: 1/12, except where the variables are amplified by cosign x, where a= number of weeks the pool has had a leak and b=the pounds of concrete that have yet to be poured, the probability is equal to: not a chance in hell.

A Warning

I see you, you little bitches. Yeah. I know you think I don’t but I do. Trying to hide like you’re so smart. Whatever. And where did you come from? Seriously, out of the blue you started showing up. And the worst part? Apparently you’ve been telling all your friends cuz now there are a bunch of you, pissing me off. Yeah, and I’m going to jerk your ass outta there like the rest of them until you get the message: go away! Leave me alone! I’m not even 34 yet. I don’t need this. You hear me? Maybe you got some deal going on with George Clooney and that chick on “What Not to Wear,”, but I don’t want what you’re selling. OK? I mean it this time: No more grey hairs!

Wanted: Man of the Cloth

You may or may not have attended church today. You may or may not be part of a church. It's a pretty big part of my life and as I sat there this morning, it just felt kinda off. Why? Our pastor is leaving and it makes me sad. I will try to give you the USA Today version:
It's a small, rural church that's been around over 200 years. My whole life, I've been a member of my church. Even when I was in college and we lived out of state, I never attended church regularly anywhere else. My church is my church and it's just "home" to me and so many people there are like (and some really are) family to me.
When Steve and I got married, our pastor had recently died so we had another pastor we kinda knew do the service. When Savannah was baptized (I'm Lutheran), our pastor had just retired. He retired b/c of lots of drama and issues within the church. So, when Pastor Todd walked into our lives 3 years ago, we were ecstatic! Here was this young, dynamic person to bring life and harmony to our congregation - for the most part. I won't say everyone loves him , but overall, he is very well-liked and has done a super job.
Pastor Todd is in his early 30's and he and his wife have a baby. He's completely rejuvinated our youth program and his sermons have been approved by some of my Baptist relatives! Our Sunday school lessons have included the TV shows Everybody Loves Raymond and The Andy Griffith Show. And don't be surprised if he throws in a Tanya Tucker or Dave Matthews Band song either. One of my favorites was seeing him get in the inflatable kiddie pool at the end of Vacation Bible School when he knew all the cameras had been put away.
He announced in a letter last week that he is leaving at the end of this month. He's leaving for various reasons, but they aren't worth re-hashing. Nothing bad or illicit happened or anything like that. I understand, even if I don't agree, that he feels he made his decision with everyone's best interested in mind, but I'm still upset.
I'm sad for my family to not have a pastor to be there for us in good times and bad. I'm worried for my church. Will lots of people suddenly not come anymore b/c Pastor Todd is gone? Will the few "negative Nancys" in the congregation continue to ruin it for the rest of us? I'm mad that now the Sunday school class I enjoyed so much will probably never be the same. I'm mad that now Steve wants to use this as an opportunity to go to other churches when I don't want to go to other churches. I'm worried that our church will never have a Pastor that will meet all our needs and be able to stay more than 3 years. I'm sad b/c I really liked Pastor Todd and his family and now they'll be gone.
I know...I just have to trust that things will work out. Thanks for letting me get that out. I promise: the high-jinks and hilarity will resume next time....

Is it just me?

Or I am the only one who just doesn't understand:

...the big deal over Taylor Swift. She's cute and she wrote some songs. Big whup. Her BFF is Kellie Pickler for crying out loud.

...English Muffins. They're tasteless - oh, except for that crap on the outside that reminds me of sawdust.

...Target clothes. They look all stylish and trendy in the Sunday sales paper but then I get to the store and I can't find what was in the paper or if I do, I try it on and it looks like a fuchsia paper bag. Mossimo-schmosimo. Mizrahi-blah-hi.

...Facebook. Sure, it's fun to see what people are up to after 15 years and 15+ pounds, but after that, who gives a hoot if they had chili for lunch, are too tired to workout or joined " Mapleton Sailing Club." And on top of that, the little fu*ker freezes up on me most of the time. What's up with that?!?

...why Michael Phelps chose to indulge in THAT kind of Southern hospitality? I mean really -you're a record-breaking Olympian and you decided to smoke weed with some Cocks?!?

...why some parents don't give a sh*t about their kids; therefore they have no respect for adults or their classmates and ruin my Tuesday!!!!!

Blah, boring, yuck!

I hate this time of year. The thrill of Christmas is over. No more parties and get-togethers. The weather stinks. I've seen more fog this week than sun. I don't give a crap about football and that seems to be on TV non-stop. Everyone is sick and Lord knows I am sick of BEING sick. Today it's my congested head and attractive cold sores. Charming, I know. Decision deadlines for the new house seem to be approaching quickly, but oh, wait, it still won't be done until APRIL.
UGH! Somebody wake me up when it's June...

The insanity that is Wal-Mart

Man, I really hate Wal-Mart sometimes, but it's one of those necessary evils in life. You hate standing in line forever to check out with your groceries, but where else can you get mac & cheese for 50 cents? I'm sorry somebody probably had to work in terrible conditions in El Salvador to make them, but the Garanimals line is really cute and cheap! I could have found a nicer colander somewhere else, but when your Aunt Sally made the gift exchange dollar limit $10, that $5 colander will be really cute with the speciality bag of pasta. But of course nothing could be worse than that poor person being trampled on Black Friday. I just can't imagine...
Over the years, I've had run-ins with them and I swear them off for a while. In fact, I still will NOT use the 1-hour service at our local Wal-Mart again. ever. MORONS!
So, it's that time of year. I need to go ahead and order the photo Christmas cards so I can get them in the mail. I checked around and Wal-Mart had about the cheapest price for what I wanted. I figured if I stayed away from the 1-hour in store developing I was fine. . . nope. All I wanted to do was order $18.36 worth of photo cards and have them delivered to my local store and I would pick them up. But the on-line check up was so screwed up, I never got that far. UGH!!! I will simply try again tomorrow.
Below is the photo card runner-up pic. Dexter looks like he is screaming in pain and Savannah looks so evil. Yeah, that's about right...

To Blog or Not to Blog

...that is the question.
When I first started this blog, almost exactly 1 year ago, my intent was to let off some steam and share some of my mommy stories. I quickly found out that I couldn't be completely honest with my rants. REAL people read this occasionally, some of whom I know in person. I didn't want to come off as a total psycho who couldn't stand her husband and disliked being a mom. But let's face it, being a wife and mother is hard and sometimes those thoughts occur and you have to let them out. I don't communicate well, and sometimes writing it all out makes me feel better.
It's not that I'm afraid to put the "real" me out there, it's that I got a lot of personall sh*t going on sometimes and I don't particularly want everybody and their mama to read about it. While I would perhaps appreciate the input of an impartial stranger, I don't need the mailman to offer his two cents. Or Aunt Susie or my sister-in-law... So I sorta tried being funny and sharing silly anecdotes, like "Blueberry Hell" and "Southern Nectar." I've had some good ones, I think, but even then, sometimes I don't get any response. nothing. nada. It's not that I'm in this for the love, fortune or fame. I have no interest in BlogHer, stats or followers. I'm not an aspiring writer- been there, done that- Okay, maybe writing for a small daily newspaper doesn't REALLY count, but technically I've been published more times that I was ever interesting in.
I do love some comments though, as we all do, so I joined SITS - just a way to get and encourage comments. It's been good and I've come across some fabulous ladies out there, but sometimes it's overwhelming. SO many bloggers and roll calls, SO little time. And even that doesn't bring out the "lurkers,"- yeah, YOU!
But like I said, I've enjoyed "meeting" lots of you and my blog roll has expanded lately. Even my husband started his own dorky blog. I guess now that he reads mine he figured he would get in on the action, too. I don't know. If you happen to check it out, notice his use of theorems and geek-talk. Seriousley, we watch "The Big Bang Theory" and he knows what Sheldon is talking about!
So now I'm kinda wondering, "Why am I doing this?" If I feel like I need to censor myself, knowing that nobody may ever read it, but then again, maybe suddenly lots of people will read it....I don't know. I do know that I enjoy other blogs I can relate to. Everyone wants to feel validated and like they aren't alone. I guess, if I can share my ramblings with people who get something out of it- whether it's a chuckle or a "me, too!"- then that's why I'm here. To make those small connections with people. Uber cheesy? I know, this post sorta went all over the place, but I've found that it's better if I don't over-edit.
So, anyway. It's been a hell of a week and I'm ending with scripture:
"If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete..." -Philippians 2:1-2

You won't even have to kiss Richard Dawson

Did you ever watch that cheesy show from the seventies, "Match Game?" It had all the perfect elements of a game show:

• B-list celebrities
• groove-a-licious orange shag carpet set
• cheesy/creepy host
• music that sounds like the soundtrack to a porno

You know, it was a classic! Well, let's play that game. Here's our sentence: My husband Steve is so freakin' lazy (How lazy is he) he won't even put trash in the trash can. He just lays it on the kitchen_________.

Your turn! Fill in the blank and let's see if we match. Or better yet, make me feel better by telling me how lazy your husband is. Seriously, he drives me nuts sometimes! Clothes, socks, candy wrappers, receipts, water bottles, last week's dry cleaning...all over the damn house! It's a good thing we're building a big house so we'll have plenty of space for him to spread out all his shit!