Jeff Foxworthy ain't got nuttin' on me

I live in the South. The rural South. I grew up on a dirt road. My parents did, too. One granddaddy was a mechanic and the other was a farmer. Neither of my parents or my aunts or uncles went to a traditional 4-year college. Hell, some of my uncles didn't even finish high school. Everything thing we had growing up, my parents worked for us to have it. What I'm trying to tell you is that I'm not one of those "silver spoon" Southern Belles. I don't have a pedigree a mile long and the only "debut" I ever made was in the first grade for my dance recital. You will not find expensive heirlooms, antique jewelry or my great-grandmothers wedding china in my house. Nope. Doesn't exist.
But I'm proud to be a Southerner and all that it encompasses. I choose to live here and am glad to raise my family here. But sometimes things happen to me, around me or I hear about things and I think, "Wow. That is RED. NECK."
It's kinda like one of my favorite jokes:
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? A Northern fairy tale starts out, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairy tale starts out, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..."
Some of it is just too funny to keep to myself so I'm going to share some of those moments with you under the title "YAGBTS" (see punchline above). And boy, do I have a good first "YAGBTS" for you...

Costume Quiz: results

Carolina Girl:

You are a slutty Cat Woman!

Who cares what's in your checkbook when you look like THIS in pleather!?

A. DeVore:

You are a slutty Mad Hatter!

Have your damn iced tea at the tea party and if the kids get outta line you can sick the Cheshire Cat on them. He always freaked me out.
Janah:

You are a slutty bunny!

Forget the pumpkin part, girl!

Tattooed Minivan Mom:

You are a slutty Super Girl!

You can fly, all while looking smoking hot, on your way to save people!

Krys:

You are a slutty Canadian Mountie!

You can help people get away from fires and at night retire to your cozy cottage in the mountians.

Because everyone knows the best girl costumes are just an excuse to dress slutty! For most of you anyway. Me? I'm going to be this:
Just kiddin! There's no way I could pull off those GLASSES - hee hee.

P.S. Love cupcakes? Me, too. Here's a contest for a cupcake prize, although not the edible kind.

The Cat's Out of the Bag!

For those of you who knew about my little blog prank, Steve was busted this weekend. For those of you who are clueless, let me explain...
I have had this blog for about a year now, but I chose not to let my husband see it. It's my place to rant and say whatever I want and I don't have to hear any lip from him.
A while back, I had suspected that he found it, but had no proof. However, when he want on his 2 week trip to Asia, low-and-behold, one day I had a hit on Feedjit from Malaysia! What are the odds?!? I had subsequent hits from Korea and Tokyo - all places he was visiting. So I decided to play a little joke.
Thanks to Carolina Girl and some others of you out there, I decided to hit him where it hurts: his wallet. Technically the prank involved MY money, but that's not really the point.
Despite my objections, Steve had decided he was doing some of the work on the new house himself to save money. Not such a bad thing except that he doesn't have time for it. He was gone half the month of October for crying out loud!
So I wrote this post, basically saying I had blown a large chunk of $ to pay somebody else to do the tile work, and it was only half of what I would owe them when it was all said and done. Somehow Steve managed to hold his tongue for almost 2 weeks.
Jump to this past Friday night. We're out with our friends Amy and Ron, who are in on the whole thing. The conversation moves to technology and blogs. Steve says, "I think Shannon is addicted to blogs." And Ron's like, "They're very interesting to read. Come on, you've never read a blog?" I'm about to burst out laughing at this point. Amy and Ron say, "Yeah Steve, haven't you read Shannon's blog?...maybe while you were in SINGAPORE?!?!" And we all starting laughing. Steve was clueless about the Feedjit map. He was even more clueless about my prank, cuz after a few minutes he goes, "And I can't believe you paid some guy at Lowe's to do our tile!" I said, "That was me dangling the carrot to get you to bite." He still didn't get it. "It was a joke," I said. "I made it up to get to to admit you read my blog!"
So anyway, the secret's out. And I told him he still better keep his mouth shut about what I write.
You got that, Steve?!?

WTF? Costume Quiz

In case you hadn't noticed, I like putting the little quizes at the bottom of my page. Most of them are kinda fun. Wasn't that the best part about all those teen magazines when you were in high school? "What's your dating style?" "Does he really like you?" "Are you ready to go all the way?!" ha!
I took took the featured quiz, "What Should You be for Halloween," three times and each time I got a dumb-ass response: "Candy Corn," "A rabbit dressed as a pumpkin," and "a bumble-bee." Hello? Not unless you're six! So, I decided to do my own costume quiz. Leave a comment answering the questions below by Sunday night or so(I'm not picky)and I'll post next week what I think you should be, including a photo. What do you think?

1. What is your drink of choice?
a. wine
b. beer
c. cocktail
d. water
e. Coke

2. What are you afraid of?
a. the dark
b. the boogie man
c. being fired
d. nothing
e. your checkbook balance the day before payday.

3. What super power would you most like to have?
a. ability to fly
b. ability to run super fast
c. being immortal
d. looking super hot in a leotard
e. being able to help people

4. People have told you you look like
a. their favorite movie actress
b. you know how to have a good time
c. you are younger than you are
d. their mother in law
e. a mug shot from the Post Office

5. Your dream house would be
a. a cozy cottage in the mountains
b. a contemporary loft in the city
c. a sprawling farm out in the country
d. a casual beach bungalow
e. paid for

It's not science, people, it's just some crap I made up for fun! So answer the damn questions already!

You like me, you really like me!

So I was about to sign out last night (you know how it is - "just ONE more blog, I promise and then I'll go to bed... three hours later... Oh crap! It's WHAT time??!) and I go on over to Not-So-Mom-a-Licious only to find out that she has given me an award! Whoo-hoo! See the new, pretty pink award somewhere on the right...
With this award you are supposed to list 6 things that make you happy. I can do that! Here they are:
1. Giving Savannah zerberts (You watched the Cosby Show, right?) which makes her laugh uncontrollably!
2. Doing something fun with my hubby. It's a rarity anymore, but I do enjoy it. Like when we took off to Charleston for our anniversary, it wasn't anything exciting, but it was nice that we did it (as in be spontaneous, not have sex).
3. Being relaxed. In other words, not constantly thinking I need to clean up the kitchen, I need to fold those clothes, I need to pay that bill, I need to...
4. A beautiful sunny day- preferably in the summer, with low humidity (in S.C. those are also a rarity).
5. Spending time with friends. I have a lot of great friends and I am very thankful for them. Especially when we get the chance to kick up our heels!
6. That gas is now $2.55 in my area. Sad, isn't it, that gas prices made my list?!?
So now I have to tag six other bloggers. I'm starting with the 3 chics who were my inspiration for getting my own blog up and running about a year ago.
1. Carolina Girl - she's Southern, single and ready to mingle. Oh, and we used to live together (:
2. Slacker Mama - Don't have your sweet baby's first years in perfect scrapbooks? She doesn't either. Embrace the slackerdom!
3. Buffie - She's the "funkiest" stay at home mom I know! And her kids are pretty funny, too.
Now, the last 3 are for some truly creative ladies!
4. Happy Hour Sue - we all know her and love her. And BG is THE funniest pimp eva'. for realz, yo!
5. French - the drama and smut in Desperate Wives of Bloggeville is enough to make Kim Kardashian blush.
6. Scattered Mind... - I've just recently found this mom, but already she cracks me up. Besides, she has Beastie Boys on her playlist. YEAH!
So, there you have it!

I'll have some artichoke dip and Reisling next time...

Yeah, yeah, I know I've been a little MIA lately. Just been busy with Steve getting home and work and housework, etc... Since he's been home it's like a little part of each room has spontaneously blown up!
"Oh look! Two dirty socks, a candy wrapper and a Chinese Spirograph over here...and in the bathroom is a pile of toiletries, an empty Coke bottle and a bus map from Malaysia. Don't forget the size 12 shoe party happenin' in the kitchen! Isn't that nice!"
By the way, I DID make him that chocolate chip cheesecake...
And now I have new SITStas dropping by and I got nuttin'. It's like having a friend come visit your house, only to offer them stale Ritz and Juicy Juice. Sorry, girls. I'll do better next time.

20 Questions: Steve Style

In honor of Steve getting home from Asia tomorrow, I'm playing the "husband meme."
1. He's sitting in front of the tv, what is on the screen? football, History Channel, Sub-Atomic Particles and Their Origins, Part III
2. You're out to eat what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? French
3. What's one food he doesn't like? Cake Icing...just means there's more for me!
4. You go out to the bar, what does he order? beer, usually what's on special
5. Where did he go to high school? Peru , IL
6. What size shoe does he wear? 12
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? plastic water bottles (he must, because he never wants to take them to the dump!)
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Philly cheese steak
9. What would this person eat every day if he could? Pizza, burgers, junk food
10. What is his favorite cereal? Cookie Crisp
11. What would he never wear? a turtleneck sweater, especially the way we made fun of him for it the last time.
12. What is his favorite sports team? Chicago Bears, USC Gamecocks
13. Who will he vote for? McCain
14. Who is his best friend? Eric and Chad
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? not keep my checkbook exactly balanced.
16. How many states has he lived in? 4 (IL, FL, SC VA)
17. What is his heritage? part Polish, part Irish, part Cuban, part ???
18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? Chocolate chip cheesecake
19. Did he play sports in high school? football, basketball
20. What could he spend hours doing? sleeping, not just the normal 11 pm to 8 am, he could really sleep all day and I expcet he will when he gets home after being on a 12 hour time difference for 2 weeks!!!

You're Invited...

...to check out the drama in "Blogge'ville." It's a blog-opera(think soap opera/mystery movie) and it's lots of fun! There's even going to be a Grand Masquerade Ball!

I wanna give a shout out to...

1. SNL - Yes, boys and girls, you did a great job poking fun of the debate last night. We knew we hadn't heard the last of Joe the Plumber, but I don't think we had any idea he lived under McCain's bed!
2. You Tube- You allowed me and 869,903 other Americans to find out who the "crazy lady" was that SNL was referring to.
3. Chex - If you have not tried these tasty morsels yet, I highly recommend them: Chex Mix bars in Chocolate Chunk(I tried to link to them but they aren't even on the Website yet! Losers!). And at 140 calories, not a bad snack!
4. Carolina Girl and all the other blog SITStas! Cuz, like, OMG, I'm like, totally part of this cool group of girls now, and like I don't even have to give them tons'o money, wear gi-normous bows in my hair or do any awful hazing! OMG! We'll all be BFFs!!!
No seriously, this sounds like lots of fun. Now show me some comment luv!
5. Good TV -"Yay" to these shows for bringing back the good stuff for another season:
Big Bang Theory- these uber nerds are uber funny.
Bones- not since Moonlighting* have we seen such fabulous on-air sexual tension. *for those of you under 30, Moonlighting was a hot TV show in the 80's that starred Bruce Wilis and Cybil Sheppard.
Heros - Me likey the twists and turns they've introduced this time around. Liking Siler? Who knew?
Privileged - OK, this is a new show, but I enjoy it. Kinda like Mary Poppins meets 90210, but the good 90210 with Brenda and Brandon, not this crap that's on now.

Anybody wid me?

Did you get that, SNL?

Oh Sh*t! Did ya'll just hear McCain snort at the end of the education questions?! I 'm sure it will be on You Tube by morning.
Yeah, yeah, I ended up watching some of the debate. I needed some "white noise" to get me to sleep...

"Our State Fair is a Great State Fair..."

...don't miss it, don't even be late!" (I know that's from some big movie musical , but I can't remember which...just know that we sang it in 7th grade chous. Go figure?)
We went to the State Fair yesterday and that was fun. No, I don't have any pics, believe it or not. I went with my parents, my niece and Savannah. We got there when the gates opened and stayed a few hours. It was actually pretty warm out by lunch time so that piping hot corn dog didn't quite hit the spot. Oh well. The girls enjoyed the rides and we enjoyed all the exhibits.
Steve gets home from Asia on Sunday. We've talked a few times, but usually not for very long or about anything in particular. I know he's ready to get home, though. It's cute- when Savannah talks to him on the phone she ends with, "Bye Daddy! I love you! hug..." and she hugs the phone!
So I'm one of the few probably NOT watching the debate right now, but that's OK. I'll just wait and hear the short version later. Just a little apathetic, since I'm not thrilled with either candidate, but I know who I'm voting for anyway. It is what it is...

Wordless Wuesday

I'm tired so I'm having Wordless Wednesday a day early. Sue me.

House Update- Part II

So I was on-line Saturday and at Lowe's looking at appliances. I don't have the exact ones picked out, but I think I have it narrowed down. I also looked at some more paint swatches - I swear I have one for every day of the year - and I about have that narrowed down too. I'm thinking Sherwin Williams "Rain" for the living room and "Cay" for the bed/baths. Most other rooms will be a shade of khaki and then of course, my RED kitchen. Play with your own color palate here.
I also happened on a deal for the tile. We bought the cermanic floor tile for almost the whole house a while back- super clearance price at Lowe's. Well, Steve has it in his head that this is something he's going to do himself (like the electrical and cleaning up) but I say he doesn't have time for it. I mean "hello," he's gone 2 whole weeks this month!
So anyway, I was talking to one of the guys in the store and he has a cousin who does work on the side. He said they do good work, I just need to call him and tell him what I want. So I called the guy up, told him we had all the tile, I just need someone to install it. He said they were busy, so If I wanted to make sure I got them lined up before Christmas, I needed to give him half the estimate up front. That wasn't a problem, I had some cash on hand I was saving and we have been putting away money each month in an account for this kind of thing. I don't have any money left now, but that's OK. I have several more months to save. If I needed to, I could dip into our Christmas fund. It will be worth it knowing that the job will get done witout Steve trying to find time in his busy schedule. Now, how do I tell him when he gets home?!
P.S. Thanks for all your input, girls! ;)

House Update!

As promised, here is an update on the house. As far as I know, the heating/air is done, the plumbing is done and the electrical is almost done. They're about halfway finished with the insulation and after that comes the drywall. There's an inspection in there somewhere too, but I'm just a girl so what do I know? Anyway, here are some pics taken today.

-The windows aren't quite right, but they're working on it.
-The whole exterior will be brick.

-This is the side of the house, as you're coming up the road from my parents' house.
-These are the doors off the living room that look out onto the screened porch.

-This view is from the kitchen looking at the breakfast/dining area. Through the wall on the right is our bedroom with French doors.

-This is from the back of the house looking toward where the screened porch will be.

-This is the back of the house from standing in the dirt road between us and the neighbors.

So, that's the tour for now. The inside isn't too exciting without walls. More pics on that later...

10 on Tuesday

10 Things I plan on doing while Steve is in Asia for 2 weeks on business:
10. Watch whatever the hell I want on TV and yes, that includes DVRed Days of Our Lives!

9. Go to the State Fair. It's in town this week and who doesn't love looking at all the sites: the artwork, the crafts, the vendors, the cake decorating entries, the rides, the carnies...
8. Shop. Oh, wait. I already did that.
7. Take my school kiddies on a field trip to the zoo. Let's just hope the monkeys aren't masturbating this time.
6. Enjoy 2 days off from school (Columbus Day and inservice).
5. NOT collect dirty clothes and glasses from all over the house
4. Blog. Duh!
3. Visit with my BFF Cupcake (that's her nickname, not the pastry!)
2. Have cereal for dinner, if I want to.
1. Go to bed without being "attacked" later. Yeah, you married gals know what I mean...

Designer's Challenge

With a new house to decorate on the horizon, I am very excited yet anxious: "What color?" "How much will that cost?" "Do I get this one or that one?" "I can't decide on bedding." "Do I wait for it to go on sale, or just get it?" "Would I rather have wood or paint it?" "I wonder if I can Scotch-Guard the whole room?" etc., etc., etc...
I really do enjoy decorating and I think I do a good job. I'm happy with how our current house turned out, although after 4 years, I'm ready for some change. So, I've been surfing the net for some ideas for the new house. I've even found some lovely decorating blogs lately. I added a few to my "Links" list, if you're interested. These ladies have amazing taste and have inspired me with some of their photos. So in case any of them are checking me out I wanted to have a little more than just stories of 3-year olds and rants about my husband!
Here is a pic of our hall bath. It's nothing fabulous, but I did it 2 1/2 years ago and lo-and-behold the aqua/brown combo is quite trendy now. Here is my kitchen hutch. I love a red "country" kitchen and antiques. Again, noting expensive or fancy, but I really like how I have this set up.

I took a pic of my mantle, but it looked so dirty in the photo that I decided to leave that one out! I'll clean it up and take some pics later of my fall decorations. They won't be nearly as cute or hand-made this this girl, but that's OK. I'm no Martha Stewart. Hell, I'm not even Peggy Bundy some days...

Ghost Town - Part II

We went to the mountains this weekend and back to Ghost Town. You may recall we went back in July. Because everything still wasn't up and running, they gave everyone a free pass to come back...so we came back! We stayed at the mountain house Friday night and got up Saturday and headed to Maggie Valley. The weather was gorgeous and the lines weren't as long as they were this summer. Savannah and my niece Grace had a great time - until the "shoot out." Savannah didn't like the noise. But they did get their picture taken with one of the "outlaws."

Here we all are in front of the mountain house. Daddy is 95% done remodeling this place. It's quite amazing considering he did almost all the work himself.

Somehow, the girls thought it was really funny to waddle like ducks, except these ducks don't say, "quack, quack." Look closely and you'll see they say, "crack, crack." They should be saying "No" to crack, crack.

Stay tuned for a house update this week...

What Are You Going to Be for Halloween?

I really like Halloween. Candy+ costumes + excuse for a party= a good time! My friend H finds it a little revolting to go door-to-door and ask for crap treats. Although we don't actually have a party to go to this year, I thought about dressing up in this little number. Couldn't you see Steve and I in that?!
In the past we have had some great costumes. He's been the Jolly Green Giant, Peter Pan, nerd, Mark Anthony and I believe there was a Tarzan one time.
I have been Wendy (to go with Peter and Tinkerbell), Cleopatra and a rad 80's girl. But this is my all-time favorite:

I think I was Wonder Woman for 5 years or so. And I concocted the outfit myself! In fact, I put all the costumes together with a few store-bought pieces because I'm cool like that. My freshman year of college, I came up with costumes for 5 of us just out of stuff we had in the dorm.

Savannah will be a ladybug this year. A perfectly cute costume for a 3-year old and besides, I got the wings for just $3.50! So, what' everyone else going to be?

You won't even have to kiss Richard Dawson

Did you ever watch that cheesy show from the seventies, "Match Game?" It had all the perfect elements of a game show:

• B-list celebrities
• groove-a-licious orange shag carpet set
• cheesy/creepy host
• music that sounds like the soundtrack to a porno

You know, it was a classic! Well, let's play that game. Here's our sentence: My husband Steve is so freakin' lazy (How lazy is he) he won't even put trash in the trash can. He just lays it on the kitchen_________.

Your turn! Fill in the blank and let's see if we match. Or better yet, make me feel better by telling me how lazy your husband is. Seriously, he drives me nuts sometimes! Clothes, socks, candy wrappers, receipts, water bottles, last week's dry cleaning...all over the damn house! It's a good thing we're building a big house so we'll have plenty of space for him to spread out all his shit!

Desperate Housewives: Bloggeville

I wanted to wait a bit to share this with you so there would be most than 1 post (chapter). My friend French has started "Desperate Housewives of Bloggeville" and guess what? I am one of the vicious and delicious characters: Leigh Lexington.
This is so fun! You have to check it out and let her know what you think. And you don't even need a DVR!