Take this job and...

My stomach has felt like a blender this week and somebody keeps pushing the "pulverize" button, dammit! Nasty stomach bug! Go away!
Moving along... otherwise, it has been a good week. I've been home long enough to catch my breath from our recent travels to Rome and the beach. Both were good trips. If you're lucky, I may post some pics.
But the best part of this week is work! I am almost. done. forever!
"No more homework, no more books! No more teacher's dirty looks!" (did you ever sing that little rhyme?)
I run a program at an elementary school and my last day with kids was Tuesday. And other than to finish up some reports and data collection, I am done and I'm not going back! Technically, I don't have a job to go back to. My program was grant funded and with the lovely state of education finance right now, I don't see them discovering any pot of unused money anytime soon.
And then, boys and girls, I get to stay home. Whoo-hoo! Ok, maybe I'm not quite cut out for domestic bliss either, but I'll keep you posted.

Bitches and hos

Hey ya'll! It's been a while so I have several random things saved up for you...
- I've gotten on my school soapbox before. Seriously, if people were better parents, crap like this wouldn't happen. A 7th grade kid had to drop out of a program at school in order to care for his infant child. That's right. I said infant child. Why? Because the baby's mother, also a 7th grader, had to go stay at the Dept. Of Juvenile Justice.
-I am loving those new Gap commercials! The dancing is awesome and the chanting is so damn catchy! "How cute are these boots?! How cute are these boots?!"
-There has been some family drama going on for the past several months. Some things have happened recently and I've had my fill. So I called up the family member and told him I'd like to sit down and talk with him about everything and see if we couldn't clear the air. He said, "that's fine, but I don't know what good it would do." We were not able to meet tonight, and maybe we won't get to, but by his words right there, I have peace knowing that I at least tried.
-I am loving Christmas in the new house! I'll have to post some pics soon. It's extra special knowing how fortunate I am to be spending Christmas with my family in our dream house!
-I have one more day of school! Then I am off until Jan. 4!!! Can I get a Whoo-hoo!!!?!?!
-Mama has a little Christmas village set up in her kitchen. It also has a few little figures and decorations with it. One day, standing in front of it, Savannah says, "Why is there a little singing bitch and a big singing bitch?" Or at least that's what WE heard. OMG! We laughed so hard. Finally realized she was saying singing "bench"- her phrase for the little group of carolers.
- just in case you haven't heard this one yet...What's the difference between Santa and Tiger? Santa stops after 3 ho's.

YAGBTS- "ask you a flavor"

I coordinate a school-based program for a rural, public school district. People wonder what's wrong with the world and why so much violence in schools and why so many schools fail...it's because these are these kind of dumbass people who are raising kids these days... (this is all TRUE)

Top 5 student names
5 Adozzhiante (uh-dozz-ee-an-tay)
4 Remedee (remedy)
3 Tyineriah (tie-near-ee-uh)
2 Amarina (uh-mar-ee-ana....actually a pretty name, but not spelled that way- missing a vowel)
1 Meosphia (muh-sof-ee-uh) and it's a boy!

An actual email I got this week. Names changed to protect the stupid innocent...
hi
this is jane grandmpther; can i ask you a flavor do you no jane teaches name and email address please let me no ok
&n bsp; sign june doe

Even crazier...
There were parents waiting in the car line one day and they had 2 babies with them. "Oh hey," I said, " I know this is your grandbaby, but who's that?" "That's my niece," the mom said. "Oh, what's her name?" I asked. They looked at each other blankly. Neither one knew!...after thinking for a few minutes they remembered. Her name is Honesty.

And the BEST of all...
Due to behavior problems, and NOT a physical disability, we have 2 kids who are required to ride the special needs bus. In my program, we do not have the funding to pay for this, but the special ed dept. has so much $ they can pay for an entire bus and driver to run a special route to take just those kids home!! While this is only for a few days, the alternative is to PAY the parent to come pick up their own child because we can't accommodate them!!!

Dinner of Champions

We all know the breakfast of champions is Wheaties...or beer, depending on how you roll, but I , my friends, just had the dinner of champions:
some boiled peanuts, a Mike's Hard Lemonade and a cup of ice cream left-over from Savannah's birthday party the other week.
I know, it's sounds kinda yuck, but really it was a suiting end to my work week. I've been back to work since August, but It was my first week at work with the kids - all 80 of them- and I'm beat!

WTF?

I found out yesterday that I am getting knocked down to part-time next year. Not surprising considering that I work for a public school system and the current state of the economy. What was surprising is that even though they offered a 36% cut in pay, and a 33% cut in hours, they expect me to do the same job duties.
Hmmm.....same workload but less pay and less time to do it in? Don't think so.

Cupcakes, Facebook and Exes

So it started out like any other Thursday. I was at school and getting my things together for the day when Cupcake (the friend, not the dessert) emails me about Facebook.
Now, I am not a big fan of Facebook, but it has it's benefits. The hubs has an account that we "share." That basically means I can look at and be friends with people I want but still remain somewhat anonymous. Score! The profile is all him so unless you know my married name (which is very uncommon) you can't find me! Neener, neener, neener!
Anyhoo- Cupcake emails me and tells me that a mutual friend was found on Fb by my ex-boyfriend. Holy Guacamole! While one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's also probably one of the most messed up. I have not heard from or seen him since Christmas Eve 1996 when he showed up at my house. In the past 12 years since, he could have been a drug dealer in California, he could have been elected Mayor in Maryland, he could have been in jail in Florida or he could have been a poly sci professor in Tennessee. Any of those things were quite possible. Turns out he is an elementary school teacher about to take a job in Korea! See, I told you- anything was possible!
Then, another friend posts these hi-damn-larius pics from high school. Let's just say I have my shirt tied in a knot, Daisy Duke style in one of them. Nice. So I had to email 2 more friends to tell them about that.
So I'm all giggling to myself, trying to concentrate at work, thinking about old times. Cupcake and I are emailing back a forth with snarky comments (some of you may be asking, "why don't you just text?" to which I say, "I'm at work, I don't get cell reception there," and " I don't text. I don't care. Just call me or email me dammit."). It all made for a fun morning and I was in a great mood.
Then, the kids had to show up, all crying and bleeding and puking and fighting and crying some more and being stubborn and junk like that and, for fun, throw in a teacher having a meltdown. Such a buzz-kill...


On a different note-I wanted to give a little shout out to Bliss Cupcakery. If you know my neck of the woods, it's a new Cupcake place in town and they are delish! Very similar to Cupcake (the bakery not the person)in Charleston. I'd even say Bliss was a little better! Here's the red velvet one. Mmmmm...
I also tried coconut, white chocolate raspberry and lemon curd. And probably gained 10 lbs. thank you very much.

My Life in Pictures

Here is the past 3 weeks in pictures...

-First week of December: finished putting up the new pre-lit tree. Dang thing takes up so much space we had to rearrange the living room. Plus, a section of lights still won't work. Rat bastards!

First Friday in December: craft night at my friend's house. I already showed ya'll the cute palm tree ornaments (made from WINE CORKS). Here is the wall hanging I made for my niece and the Baby Jesus candle. First Saturday in December: Christmas Program at church. I was the head angel- yeah, I know!

Savannah was a sheep, I mean angel! She's the one sitting down...

First Sunday in December: we went to a night-time parade with lights. Here Savannah is cuddled up with our friend Mary Claire.

December 11: last day of my school program. We had been doing a fundraiser and I told my kids if they raised x amount of $, I will give them a popcorn party. But if they raised xx amount of $, I would dress up as an elf on the last day. Well, folks, you see that they did. Charming, aren't I?

December 13: Family Christmas party with the aforementioned "recycled" gift. Pictured is my immediate family. No, Savannah isn't picking her nose. I think she's just smelling her fingers...

Dec. 16: we left for Florida. Steve had a work thing so the rest of us tagged along. It was a lot warmer than I had expected. I wish I had packed more shorts. Oh, what's that you say? It's 10 below where you are? Sucks to be you...

Dec. 19: We went to Disney World. The crowds weren't too bad and we had a good time. We got to see and do some things we didn't get to do when we went in May. Savannah was so into the characters this time, she sat down and practically had a conversation with Stitch.

Here's my little thrill-seeker on the teacups for the first time. You might want to turn the volume down a little...



Dec. 20: Got home from Florida with a nasty cold. I don't have any pics of that. You're welcome.

Dec. 22: Finished up our shopping and met our friends at Chuck E. Cheese for lunch. I don't have pictures from that either.

Today: I made one of those adorable gingerbread houses from a kit that you can find everywhere. I don't have those pics yet, either, (ever since Steve re-did our computer, it's like learning to ride a bike all over again!)but its worthy of it's own post later.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the festivities and this time of year like we have. It's hectic and crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Pure Genious

Dear Patent Office,
I would like to apply for a patent to the new game I invented that I call "Copycat." You see, there have been several occasions while working with first and seconds graders that I need some sort of filler. The bus wasn't here yet, Mrs. Thompson's class wasn't back from the library yet, little Johnny wasn't finished vandalizing going potty yet... you get the idea. Because "idle time" is the devil's time!
There are lots of activities and games I could do, but most of them require various materials or lengthy instructions. I love a good game of Hangman, despite the implication of death, but you don't always have pen and paper handy. And Simon Says isn't complicated, but kids are cheaters and that drives me nuts.
So yesterday during story time we were waiting for the other classes to get there and that is when I invented "Copycat." I simply told them to do what I do and proceeded to touch my nose, cover my ears, stick out my tongue, etc. and the little suckers dears played right along with nary a peep! Genious!
Please issue my patent right away. Mrs. Kingsley has been playing the game and I think she owes me about $78.96. Thank you!
Shannon

What do I want to be when I grow up?

It's kinda sad, but because of my job, I dread the start of school like any other lunchbox-toting 4th grader. The impending doom, the paperwork, the unknowns: "Which little rugrat is going to get kicked out of the program first?" Well, it's not really that bad...But the preparation and then the actual implementation of a school-based program that employs about 20 people and serves 85+ students is a lot of work. In general, I enjoy my job and the schedule is great, but I'm thinking that I want to do something else.

When baby #2 comes, not yet- don't get ahead of yourself- I think I'd like to take some time off. Whether that is 6 months or 6 years, I don't know yet. But after that, what could I do? I've never been one of those people who always knew they wanted to be a pharmacist, or lawyer or (fill in occupation). I just don't care about anything that much.

I'd basically be doing it because I liked it and for the pocket money. Did I tell you my husband is a tightwad? Anyway...At one point I thought about those "sell you stuff" parties, or at least that's what I call them. You know: Southern Living at Home, Tastefully Simple, Pampered Chef, etc. It would be fun going to people's house and having little parties and getting all that crap for free, but then again, I would have to actually SELL stuff and try to talk people into it and that's not really me. Plus, I am not a real self-starter.

I have considered getting certified as a fitness instructor. I love to dance and I really like Zumba, so that would be fun. The initial certification would be a little pricey, but I think I could definitely find part-time work around here. Therefore I'd never have an excuse not to work out! But then it PAINS me to try and watch completely uncoordinated people try to dance, so I might not be able to take all that. You know what I mean. You saw, "Can't Buy Me Love."

I also like photography. Not the kind where lovely families pose in their matching khakis on the beach. No, I'd rather take pictures of places or stuff, like gorgeous Charleston or a perfect blossom. Maybe I could get a few local stores to carry some of my work. I plan to use some of my pics in the new house. I've been meaning to do this, but just never have. You like all the pics I share, right?

I've always been pretty crafty and been kinda creative. In high school, I had my mom make a skirt out of out neckties. OK, yeah, she made the skirt but it was my idea. I am no stranger to decoupage, scrapbooking, sponge-painting, or Vacation Bible School crafts. I'd love to make one-of-a-kind stuff. But then I'd have to actually sell my precious creations, so I don't know if I could do that or not. I made a really pretty quilt square one time for a charity auction and I really hated to give it away. It was MINE, dammit! I took a pic of it, at least:Anyhoo- I'm not planning on making any life changing decisions right now. Just thought I would ramble a bit since my program starts in 6 days. And I hear little Carlos is a shit...

Children of the Corn

Illinois was a long trip, but overall, we had a good time and I'm glad to report that teen-pregnancy and drinking did not have an effect on us this visit. We did go sing karaoke one night, but I would have done that drinking or not.
The food in this town is different (if anyone offers you bar-b-que you're really getting a sloppy joe) but good. We ate from all the required food groups: pork tenderloin, fried chicken, brats and corn. Well, actually I stayed away from all of those but the corn, but I did get some chicken oscar. Yum!
Savannah usually had an accident a day but it was really because she didn't want to stop what she was doing to go potty. She even went poop a few times by herself. I guess she figured it worked out pretty good the first time so, hey, why not try it again. She also had a blast playing with her cousins and friends. There were so many kids at the cook-out we had! However, the majority of them belonged to my BIL and a friend so they were not my problem easy to manage.

We got to see lots of friends and family. Steve' grandpa isn't doing too well so it was especially good to see him. The old guy is 86, was shot down in WWII and lost his wife 15 years ago, so he's dealt with tougher things.

This week I'm playing catch up at work from being gone so long. I hate this time of year. From about the end of August until the first of October, is the busiest time. It's like running my own little school except that I do it all myself. I have to hire staff, arrange rooms, unpack boxes, order supplies and curriculum, rank students, send out paperwork, process paperwork, enter all data into the system, keep up with bus routes, arrange parent events, lead parent events, schedule field trips, lead field trips, handle discipline, give out snack, bandage boo-boos, blah, blah, blah... And Miss whats-her-bucket big-wig wants this to be a part-timeposition next year. Yeah, right.
Anyhoo... Hope you all have had a lovely summer and mine is comming to an end. Let the hilarity ensue!

Semi-Wordless Wednesday

This is where I'd rather be right now: lovely, warm Waikiki in front of Duke's Canoe Club enjoying a fat slab of Eskimo pie and gazing out at Diamond Head.... (I really took this photo when we were there last year)

Hell, I'd settle for being here right now, I'm so bored:

We have school registration today. The days and place were changed because our school is under contruction so no one is here and I have been here since 9:00 this morning and it is freezing inside and I am B-O-R-E-D! Same thing happened yesterday, just a differnt time. I was here noon til 6:00. Aaaaaagggghhh!

On a separate note, here are the cabinets I want for the new house. I got the pic from Rate My Space! See, I told you I love that site!

Now I've heard it all

I work at a rural, public school with at-risk kids. What does that mean? Some are at-risk academically: they are failing, they have low test scores, etc... Some are at-risk environmentally: they and their 5 brothers and cousins are being raised by grandma b/c mama is in jail and daddy is a drug dealer, etc... So I've seen and heard alot. I've also learned alot.
Tonight, we had a parent event where they are invited to have dinner and hear a guest speaker. Childcare is provided. I happend to be in the back with the kids. One little, tiny girl, about 18 months, was trying to leave the room and I told her to stay in here and watch the movie.
"Shut up," she said, "Shut up, bitch." Wait. No. She didn't say that. I misunderstood her tiny voice. "Comeback in here," I said and I took her arm. She pushed me away and said, "Shut up, bitch. Shut up bitch."
Oh my Lord. That tiny little girl knew that phrase and she knew how to use it. I found out later her mama had her when she was in about the 8th grade. This is the sadness I deal with everyday. This is the parenting that is going on these days. And people want to blame education and teachers?

Hap-bir-day!

So, last week was my birthday. The morning started off with this conversation:
We had just sat down for breakfast and Savannah asks me to get her something.
me: "Mama just sat down and it's my birthday so you'll have to wait."
Savannah: "Where's your birthday? where's your cake?"
Me: "I don't know. I don't have one."
Savannah: "Mason will be here inaminute and he'll bring you a cake. OK?....and we'll wear a party hat." (Mason is our nephew 800+ miles away)
The rest of the day was nothing too exciting. In fact, it was kind of annoying. The kids at school were particularly wound up and I had to call 3 parents. At one point, some kids were guessing how old I was. One kid said "30" and I told them "higher." So one girl guesses 70. I said, "Tiana, do I Look like I'm 70?!?" And she said yes.
It took me forever to get out of work for various reasons and then when I finally did, I got stuck behind a tractor for a few miles (the joys of living in the rural South).
Later that evening, Steve and I went out to eat and had to take Savannah with us. Not a big deal, but dinner out at a nice restaurant is a little less enjoyable when you have to constantly remind your 2 1/2 year old dining companion not to crawl on top of the booth and that anything that has fallen on the floor is "yucky."
We spent the weekend in the mountains at my parents' place. Friday night the 3 of us were there with my parents. It was a nice, relaxing evening. Saturday, we cruised around nearby towns and just did a little sight-seeing. Saturday, my parents went back home and took Savannah with them. So...me and Steve hit the local bar that evening. Very interesting. In a nutshell, this place is apparently the watering hole of choice for the locals. Some of which haven't been outside of this mountain town since the 70's as indicated by their hairdos. But there was some live music and we enjoyed a few beers and the atmosphere.
P.S. "Hap-bir-day" is an old inside joke from high school. Holla back if you know what I'm talking about...

10 on Tuesday

10 reasons why I'm really glad spring is just around the corner...

10. Spring Break- that's a whole 10 days off of work! Whoo-hoo! Especially since this time of year the kids get a little crazy and behavior goes right out the door...I called the police on a child last week. no lie.
9. New clothes- new season means a few new clothes. 'Nuf said.
8. Time change- even though it takes some getting used to, it's much nicer to have the extra daylight in the evenings.
7. warmer weather- and hopefully it will dry up all this crud and funk b/c I am sick of everyone being sick!
6. Progress in the house building project- I feel like this is going to take forever!
5. 5 weeks- After spring break, there are only 5 more weeks of program. That is, 5 more weeks of work with kids and staff. After that, I go into solo reporting mode for our grant.
4. My birthday- even though after 21 they just aren't that spectacular anymore, some extra attention, presents and icing make it all good.
3. Did I mention spring break?
2. Easter! According to my paster, this holiday should be more special and celebrated than Christmas...agree or not, it's a wonderful day spent at church and with family. And it usually involves yummy food and Cadbury creme eggs.
1. Afterall, you gotta get through spring to get to summer!

Daddy daycare, I think not

I am out of town for a conference in lovely Jacksonville, Florida. Yes, that's right. I'm the one out of town this time. It's been a good trip so far. Let me hit some of the highlights:
-We stopped at the outlets on the way down, of course. Didn't get any fabulous deals but my friend got a pair of cute boots for $15!!
-Day 1 of the sessions were good. I always enjoy getting new ideas, meeting people and being reminded of why I do what I do working with these kids (see previous post).
-The weather has been nice. It was sunny and around 65 today.
-Our keynote speaker was Dr. Maya Angelou. She is awesome. She uses words in a way that makes you think, "Why can't I ever sound like that?" I mean, she used the word "copious" at least twice in her address.
She also spoke a lot about her past and how even one seemingly insignificant person or action can mean so much to so many people. Her unlce Willie was disabled and yet he touched the lives of so many and they never realized it until after his death.
Dr. Angelou told us we have already been "paid for." Our ancestors have already paved the way for us to be who we are and do what we do, so it is our turn to pay it back. "Oh," they'd say, "so you're the one I worked in the sweatshop for..." or "you're the one I did back-breaking work for.." It was all very inspirational...
-I have a really nice, really big hotel room with an AWESOME view of downtown Jacksonville and it's all mine! Ah- peace!

Some of you may be asking, "Is Steve home with Savannah?" Well, sort of. My mom is being a real saint and has Savannah for 2 1/2 days while I am gone. He's really only had her for one evening and one lunch and he even screwed that up!!
I took her to Mother's Morning Out Thursday morning and told him he had to pick her up at noon, go home for lunch and then take her to grandma's. Easy, right? wrong. The lady from MMO called him at 12:15 to ask him if he was coming. Oh- he worked right through 12:00 and forgot!!! If she hadn't called, who knows what time he would have gone to get her!?
So, anyway...I am enjoying the peace and surroundings while it lasts.